are you still at the devil's house?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
