fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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