i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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