party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
