omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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