When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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