now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
