Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
