I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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