lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
