I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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