hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
