Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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