okay pat passed out under dana's car
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
