That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
