Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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