Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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