I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
