does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
