When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
