How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
