If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
