ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
