I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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