if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize