It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
