He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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