i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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