is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
