Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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