dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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