Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
