I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
