with your own penis?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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