he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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