honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
