1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
