you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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