My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
