i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
