Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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