just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
