i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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