i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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