do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
