VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
