Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
