i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
