the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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