I wanna bring you to show and tell
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
