When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
