dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
