So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
