don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
