I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
