And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
