question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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