he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
