Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
