you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
