The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
