I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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