Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
