Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
