4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
