does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
