hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
