Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
