You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
