i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
