I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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