My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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