maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
