Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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