My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
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My breasts were aching with rage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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