I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize