Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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