she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.