You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Acid is not a monday night drug
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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