The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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